Feb
15
Breaking Down Your Group Of Friends At School | Ladhood now on iPlayer


BELL RINGS It was the final day of the school
year and we were all in the mood for some classically
formative experiences. This was my gang. In order of coolness, by which
I mean the average number of cigarettes we each
smoked per day, there was Adnan Masood, AKA Addy… ..Ralph Roberts… ..and Tom “Craggy” Cragg. And this was me,
just sitting on a table thinking, I assume, knowing me. It’s quite hard to visually
demonstrate thinking, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s better. Lot fresher-faced then, of course. But then that is what circa 10,000
pints of cheap lager will do to you. And of course, we all picture
ourselves being slightly better looking in
our memories, don’t we? So, you know, just go with it. Going for the arm bar!
No chance, dickhead! Will you two pack it in?
You’re doing me head in! Yeah, we both know
you’re soft as shit. Yeah, well at least
we’re not thick as shit! And actually end up going to uni and
try to do something with our lives instead of spending the next decade
just managing a coke habit, Ralph! Sorry, got carried away there.
Don’t know why I did that. That was bad and snobbish
and I won’t do it again. They can’t hear me, by the way. As the cooler/more carcinogenically
exposed members of the group, Adnan and Ralph had big
ambitions for the summer, involving two girls, names of
Rachel Fielder and Cassie McClaire. Cassie, it was agreed, was almost
the coolest, most fanciable girl in the school, second
only to Rachel Fielder. Rachel’s coolness partly lay
in her knowing and singing the best new songs before anyone else. On this particular day,
it was Never Leave You by Lumidee. HE MUTTERS EXCITEDLY They’re coming, they’re coming!
Fuck up, man! Hi, Ralph. Hi, Ralph. Rachel. I’m Rachel. Ralph. You’re Rachel, I’m Ralph. Yeah, I know. So, how are you keeping, then? How’s she keeping?! You sound like my uncle,
and he’s dead. I’m keeping all right, thanks. Maybe see you down
Glebelands tonight? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, defo. I’ll see you then, then. What’s that song that
you’ve been singing today? Never Leave You by Lumidee. She’s sick and
she’s going to be a star, like her peer Beyonce’s
also going to be. Cool, cool one. Sick one. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Ey up, Cassie. Give us a fuckin’ cig, Addy. Yeah, sure. You…
You can have two if you like. Can I have ’em all? Course. Cheers. In a bit. Cassie’s so fuckin’ fit
I want to jump off a footbridge. Tut. Even as a youth, unlike Addy, I would never objectify women
in this way. Yeah. Absolute stun-bucket, mate. Addy, we went four ways on
them cigs! Shut up, Craggy! I get me pocket money tonight.
I’ll get more. Hey, Ralph, you really fucked up
your chance to impress Fielder there.
What do you mean? You hardly said owt to her,
didn’t you? Yeah, and what you did say
were fuckin’ stupid! Shut up, Craggy!
I’m not like that, am I? Some lads, they just like to talk
and talk and talk. That’s not me. My two penn’orth, yeah? Birds talk. Lads only say shit
when shit needs actually saying. Rachel knows that a real man
will just sit there, yeah? And not try and impress her
and do his own thing, do you know what I mean? And she respects me cos
that’s me. I’ve never… I’ve never talked too much,
never blabbed on, do you know what I mean?
I don’t like big conversations. I don’t do it. I never have done.
I never will do. Know what I mean? I-I-I’m strong, but silent. Yeah. Forever. End of. Right, it’s just that
Whitey’s chatting her up and she seems to be enjoying it. Our antagonist, the villain of
the piece – Matthew White. He went by Whitey,
even to his parents. He was renowned for once having
nutted a train conductor for having the neck to
ask to see his ticket. She won’t fall for his bullshit. She seems to be falling for it
pretty hard. Shut up, Craggy. Look, Ralph,
it’s normal to feel pissed off when you’ve been rejected. What the fuck are you, Liam, some sort of fucking therapist
or something? I’m only trying to help! He’s looking over, Ralph. Yeah. I’ll smack him
if he looks over again. Will you fuck, Ralph! Yeah, I will, Craggy. Ralph! Hey, get off him, man.
Ralph! Get off him! BELL RINGS Addy, you better have them
cigs by tonight, mate.